Jesus Goes to Church

I know I should just post a link to an article that I like but this one I liked so much I decided to copy the whole thing here. This comes via a link from the post I did on "My Imaginary Friend" and the "atheist" posts about "Jim and Casper Go to Church" and the Drew Marshall church visits. This is a spoof of the Jim and Casper book and I thought it was hilarious. It is found on the Jesus Manifesto blog. Enjoy!


Book Review: Tim & Jesus Go to Church
Written by Mark Van Steenwyk : March 25, 2008

The book would make for a great sitcom: a pastor roadtrip across the United States, critiquing several churches along the way. Henderson believes that evangelism requires listening to “the good, the bad and the ugly about Christianity in order to be a better minister.” So he invited Jesus, the Son of God and supposed “founder” of Christianity, to observe how modern American Christians are doing with the movement he started. Their travels took them to an urban outreach church, an Emergent church, a new monastic community, a liberal mainline church, and to an evangelical megachurch.

In the book, Tim and Jesus discuss everything from preaching to music to location. Every step of the way, Jesus asks, “Why do these churches have such different ideas on what it means to follow me?” As a reader, I was drawn into the dialog and experiences. In a way, the book offers very few easy answers. But it does show that while each of the churches has an honest approach to following the way of Jesus (except maybe one Church), each community can learn much more from the way of the master. Because the book revolves around the five communities that Tim and Jesus visit, I thought it to be appropriate to share the highlights of their experiences of each. In particular, Jesus has a lot to say:

City Light International Street Mission
Tim and Jesus fist visit City Light International Street Mission, a small urban Pentecostal community in Nashville. The book is generous in their description. You could tell that both Jesus and Tim were weirded-out by the raw emotionalism and “pentecostal bells and whistles” of the worship service. But they were soft in their criticisms.
At one point in this section of the book, Tim states: “You could tell that the Mission doesn’t have the funding to reach out to these folks…but they do it anyways…that is commendable.” (22)
Jesus affirmed their heart for the poor: “When they serve these friends of mine, it is like they are serving me.” (22)
But their experience wasn’t entirely positive. At one point during the very loud and frenzied worship service, the pastor started prophesying that a “new move of the Spirit” would visit the church and spark a new revival for the healing of the nations. At the end of the prophecy, Jesus stood up and said: “I have already told you. The Kingdom of God is among you. Stop looking for signs and wonders, and follow the gentle leading of my Spirit.” Afterwards, Jesus got rebuked…and one elder attempted to “deliver” Jesus from a “spirit of rebellion.” (45-47)

The Livingroom
Next, Tim and Jesus visited The Livingroom, an Emergent-style church in Chicago. Tim thoroughly enjoyed himself, but Jesus fell asleep during the music portion of the gathering. He said: “It was so atmospheric. What is it with urban hipsters and their mellow music? At least the music at City Light was joyous…and City Light even had a song of lament.” (68)
During their visit, the pastor gave a sermon about social justice…and how the Gospel was more about what you do than what you say…and that what you say isn’t really that important if you show love. Afterwards, Tim and Jesus got into a deep conversation about whether or not they agreed. Tim tended to agree with the statement, but Jesus disagreed: “I was sitting there listening to this pastor tell his flock how I wasn’t very interested in preaching and proclaiming the Gospel. That upset me. Can’t he read? Doesn’t he notice how much RED there is in the Gospels?”

Humility House
Humility House is one of a growing number of “new monastic” communities. Located in a poor part of Denver, Humility House practices hospitality, care for the poor, and engages in the occasional protest. There community is made up of about 12 members–8 of them living in the house.
Tim felt that the community was warm and inviting, but didn’t “get” what it was they were hoping to accomplish: “I affirm their community and that they help a few people out from time to time, but this isn’t the sort of model that most Christians can follow. And it could put off a lot of seekers.”
Jesus disagreed: “These are my kind of hippies. These sorts of radicals really connect with an important part of my message. But they never seem to stick around for very long. How many of my brothers and sister hippies are still going strong from the movement they named after me in the 70s and 80s?” Later on, Jesus writes: “I wish they wouldn’t always be so dang serious. There is a time for simplicity. But there is also a time for drink and song.”

Trinity United Methodist Church
Tim and Jesus connected with the mainline church the least. This was the shortest section of the book. They visited Trinity United Methodist Church in Phoenix, Arizona. Tim felt bored the whole time. Jesus tried to mingle with folks in the foyer after the service, but no one seemed to be interested in him…just the idea of him.

Lakewater Community Church
Finally, Jesus and Tim visited Lakewater Community Church in Dallas, Texas. Lakewater has 30,000 members and proclaims a soft-message of prosperity and hope. Tim had lots to stay about the techniques this church used to draw in lots of seekers. But Jesus didn’t like his visit much. He writes that “the leaders of this church reminded me of the folks who crucified me.”
After the service, Jesus was able to make an appointment with the pastor. But the meeting was cut short. The pastor didn’t believe that Jesus was the REAL Jesus. After all, this Jesus was much too shabbily dressed to be the REAL Jesus. On his way out, Jesus shook out his sandals on the step as he and Tim made their way back to California.

Closing Thoughts
The book was pretty well written, though I could tell from Jesus’ sections that he hadn’t written a book before. His insights were the most insightful, but I found I could relate with Tim’s perspective more easily. Clearly, the two men had their favorite communities, and a couple that they didn’t like. But there are so many communities out there that you can’t really get a sense of what sort of church either would say is the “ideal church.” But I suppose that is the point. We’re not supposed to be discontent with out communities as we strive for the ideal. Instead, we are called to be as faithful to Jesus as we can in the sorts of communities that we find ourselves in.
This was a work of satire. No such book exists. And while Jesus doesn’t take road-trips to visit churches, I would like to assume that he is present, in some way, at all sorts of Churches. Are we listening to what he has to say?

Boys will be Boys

Some people argue that gender differences are the result of socialization (i.e. that you actually teach or nurture boys to be boys and girls to be girls). The posts of the last week have been a serious look at those reaffirming that there really is a hard wired (biological or at least hormonal) difference. Today I thought I would quote this little piece that actually made the rounds 5 or 6 years ago. It's a hoot. Enjoy.

Interesting facts discovered while bringing up boys.

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies. 

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy. 

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 

12. Super glue is forever. 

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 

15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 

20. The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time. 

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Mosaic

This is just for fun. As you may know there are thousands of free programs floating around out there. Some of them are quite amazing like Abiword - a free word processing program similar to Microsoft® Word.

As I have been searching to restock my computer with programs that I had been using I came across Mozodojo - a really neat freeware that creates mosaic pictures. (Mosaic is when you take lots of little pictures and make them look like one big picture.)

To use this software, just choose a picture to make, then choose a folder of pictures to create it from. (Most of us have collected thousands of digital photos). You can choose how many pictures to use and just how detailed you want it to be. You can even choose the final image to be poster size and print it out in good detail. Check it out here or here. There may be similar programs in the PC world but both these are Mac.

Well I took the photo included in my profile and made a mosaic of it - the result is below. A composite of over 3000 pictures.

Glorious Insults

I enjoy the English language. A well written piece of prose can delight the heart. A wonderful turn of phrase can put a smile on my face all day as I attempt to find some excuse to incorporate it into a conversation. The great writers and conversationalist of our time (and in history) are able to remember these unique turns of phrases and use them in daily communication. I tend to forget them once the day is done - until I hear someone else use them. Or until someone sends me an email like the one below.

There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English repartee was boiled down to four-letter words! Enjoy.


'He had delusions of adequacy.' - Walter Kerr

'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' - Winston Churchill

'He is a modest little person, with much to be modest about.' - Winston Churchill

'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.' - Clarence Darrow

'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.' - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?' -Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.' - Moses Hadas

'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.' - Abraham Lincoln

'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.' - Mark Twain

'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends' - Oscar Wilde

'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend -- if you have one.' - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

'Cannot possibly attend first night but I will be able to attend the second night -- if there is one.' - Winston Churchill, in response

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your tea.' And he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd drink it!''

Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends, sir,' said Disraeli... 'On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress'.

'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.' - Stephen Bishop

'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' - John Bright

'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb

'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.' - Jack E.Leonard

'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.' - Charles, Count Talleyrand

'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' - Oscar Wilde

'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.....but this wasn't it.' - Groucho Marx

Error Message

If you have spent enough time here to have read the past day's blogs then you should take a look at this site. I'm turning off my computer right now and following his advice.

The Joys of Management

I went to some random site the other day and read this joke - good enough to use on Sunday and good enough to post. It reminds me of the Dilbert cartoons.

You must be in management

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." 

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." 


"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. 

"I am," replied the woman, How did you know?" 

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far." 


The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." 

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" 

"Well," said the woman, you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault".

The Word

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. In this season where some amazing words capture the spirit of Christmas - words like "incarnation" or "Emmanuel, God with us." Or words like light, hope, joy, love and gift. The simple, powerful beauty of their ability to communicate and evoke meaning and feeling. With the beautiful simplicity of these powerful words it's amazing that we can miss it by trying to be too precise and too descriptive and too wordy when we attempt to describe spiritual reality.

This little piece that follows was on Roger Von Oech's site entitled Creative Think. You can look at the link to see how he talked about this text, Someone called it a quote from the "Over-Intellectualized Bible." It's great for seminary students university professors and pompous readers alike. It makes you glad that Jesus spoke so simply, yet deeply.

THE OVER-INTELLECTUALIZED BIBLE
And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"

They replied,

"You are the totaliter aliter, the vestigious trinitatum who speaks to us in the modality of Christo-monism.”

You are he who heals our ambiguities and overcomes the split of angst and existential estrangement; you are he who speaks of the theonomous viewpoint of the analogia entis, the analogy of our being and the ground of all possibilities.”

"You are the impossible possibility who brings to us, your children of light and children of darkness, the overwhelming roughness’ in the midst of our fraught condition of estrangement and brokenness in the contiguity and existential anxieties of our ontological relationships.”

“You are my Oppressed One, my soul's shalom, the One who was, who is, and who shall be, who has never left us alone in the struggle, the event of liberation in the lives of the oppressed struggling for freedom, and whose blackness is both literal and symbolic.”

And Jesus replied, "Huh?"

if even God doesn't get it, perhaps we missed the point?

Aren't you glad that He said, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life!"?