NEOLOGISM (Reinvented Word Definitions)

Yesterday I was reading some blog some where and I came across the term for the smallest measure of time known to science. It's called the "Honkosecond" and it is defined as: The time between when the traffic light changes and the person behind you honks his horn. This made me think of other wacky definitions and that the Washington Post has sponsored an annual Neologism contest. The current contest is here.

Someone once sent me a summary of contest winners and they are hilarious and worthy of posting.

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winning definitions are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach .

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation whilst drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question in an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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DEFINITIONS FOR THE MEDICALLY-CHALLENGED

Artery: The study of paintings
Barium: What Doctors do when patients die
Caesarian Section: A neighbourhood in Rome
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Colic: A sick sheep dog
D & C: Where Washington is located
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fibula: A small lie
G.I. Series: Military baseball game playoffs
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain: Getting hurt at work
Morbid: A higher offer
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: A person who has fainted
Pap Smear: Fatherhood test
Post-operative: Letter carrier
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Seizure: Roman Emperor
Tablet: Small Table
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
Urine: Opposite of "you're out"